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Culture & Etiquette in China: A Guide for Exchange Students

Host families, dining and chopsticks, gifts, WeChat habits, drinking and the everyday customs exchange students ask about most.

✓ Last verified: October 2026Rules, prices and apps change, so confirm before you travel.

📘 Part of our complete guide to student exchange in China

Short answer: Etiquette in China varies by family, region and generation, and exchange students are not expected to know every custom. Following your hosts’ lead, showing appreciation and asking when unsure will take you a long way. The habits worth learning first are taking your shoes off when your hosts do, greeting older people first, keeping chopsticks out of rice, telling hosts if you will be late or miss a meal, and declining alcohol politely when you do not want it.

On this page: 10 things to remember · Host families · Dining · Chopsticks · Gifts · Elders & teachers · WeChat · Drinking · Misunderstandings · Do & avoid · Phrases · FAQ

10 Things to Remember

China is large and diverse, and etiquette varies by family, generation, region, university and social setting. A grandparent in a small town may expect different things from a classmate your age in Shanghai, so treat this guide as a set of common patterns rather than strict rules. Most small mistakes are forgiven quickly, and people usually appreciate that you are trying.

The short list

In many homes, shoes come off at the door. Watch what the family does, or ask.
Consider bringing a small gift (fruit, snacks or something from home) when you first visit or stay with a family.
When giving or receiving something formally — a gift, tea, a card, a document — it is respectful to use both hands.
Greet older people first, and in many families the eldest person starts the meal.
Avoid standing chopsticks upright in rice or pointing them at people.
Expect to be offered food again and again. Accept a little, and say 我吃饱了 (wǒ chī bǎo le) when you are full.
Ask before using household things such as the kitchen, washing machine, air-con or Wi-Fi.
Tell your hosts if you will be out late or miss a meal — a short WeChat is enough.
Keep noise down late at night and early in the morning.
You never have to drink alcohol. Decline politely and without fuss — tea works.

Visiting or Staying With a Chinese Family

💡 The key message: exchange students are not expected to know every custom. Being respectful, appreciative and willing to learn matters far more than following etiquette perfectly, and most hosts go out of their way to make guests comfortable. Here are the questions students ask most.

Should I bring a gift, and what kind?

It is common and appreciated, but it does not need to be fancy: something small and easy to share is plenty. See Gifts and giving for ideas and what to skip.

Should I remove my shoes?

In many homes, shoes come off at the door; follow your host’s lead. Look for shoes lined up by the entrance, and if indoor slippers (拖鞋, tuōxié) are offered, wear them. If your host says there is no need (不用脱鞋, bú yòng tuō xié), simply do as they say.

Should I help with the dishes?

Offering is appreciated: setting the table, carrying dishes or washing a few bowls. Some hosts will decline the first time because you are a guest. If they do, you have still shown willingness.

Should I tell the family when I am going out?

Yes, usually. A short WeChat such as “I’ll be back around 10” is enough, and it matters most for late nights or overnight trips. Hosts tend to feel responsible for their guests, so this is care rather than control.

What if I will miss dinner?

Tell them as early as you can, ideally before cooking starts, so no food is wasted: 今晚我不在家吃饭 (jīnwǎn wǒ bú zài jiā chīfàn — “I won’t be eating at home tonight”). A quick text works well.

How do I deal with dietary restrictions?

Tell your hosts before you arrive or at the first meal, rather than leaving food untouched at the table. Be specific, because “no meat” may still include meat broth or small pieces. For allergies, a short written note helps: 我对花生过敏 (wǒ duì huāshēng guòmǐn — “I’m allergic to peanuts”). For vegetarian, vegan, halal and allergy tips when eating out, see Food in China.

Can I use the kitchen, Wi-Fi or air-con, and what about noise?

It is polite to ask before using things that are not obviously yours: 我可以用一下……吗？ (wǒ kěyǐ yòng yíxià … ma — “may I use …?”). Many hosts say 随便用 (suíbiàn yòng — “feel free”) in the first few days, which is your cue that you do not need to ask every time. It also helps to ask how the hot water works and whether there are times the family prefers the home to be quiet.

What if the family asks personal questions?

Questions about your age, studies, relationship status or your parents’ jobs are common and usually come from friendly curiosity. You can answer briefly, keep it vague, or smile and change the subject — you never have to share more than you want to.

How should I address parents and grandparents?

Ask: 我应该怎么称呼您？ (wǒ yīnggāi zěnme chēnghu nín — “how should I address you?”). Many students end up using 叔叔 (shūshu) and 阿姨 (āyí) for host parents, and 爷爷 (yéye) and 奶奶 (nǎinai) for grandparents, but follow whatever your host suggests.

What should I do if I accidentally break an etiquette rule?

Do not panic. A simple 对不起 (duìbuqǐ — “sorry”) and a smile almost always smooths things over, and many hosts are happy to explain how things work. Asking 这样可以吗？ (zhèyàng kěyǐ ma — “is this okay?”) shows you are making an effort.

💡 Staying in a private home? Remember accommodation registration. Foreigners staying anywhere other than a hotel need to register their address within 24 hours of arriving. Hotels do this at check-in, but in a host family’s home it is not automatic, so ask your host or your university’s international office who will handle it. The steps are in Your First 48 Hours in China.

Dining Etiquette

Meals are central to social life in China and dishes are usually shared, so the table works differently from a plate-by-plate meal. Nobody expects perfection. For what to eat, canteens, ordering and dietary needs, see the Food in China guide.

Shared dishes: food is usually placed in the middle for everyone. Take small portions, and rather than reaching across the table for a faraway dish, wait for it to come round or ask someone to pass it.
Serving chopsticks: if serving chopsticks or spoons (公筷, gōngkuài) are provided, use them. If not, many families simply use their own chopsticks — follow what others do.
Lazy Susans: if the table has a rotating tray, turn it slowly and check nobody is mid-reach. If something is out of reach, ask someone to turn it for you.
Who starts: in many families and at formal meals, the eldest person or the host begins first. Watch what others do before you pick up your chopsticks.
Food in your bowl: some hosts may put food straight into your bowl as a sign of care. Trying a little is a kind response. If you cannot eat something for dietary reasons, say so gently.
Being encouraged to eat more: expect to hear 多吃点 (duō chī diǎn — “eat more”) several times. It is hospitality, not pressure. Accept a little, then say 我吃饱了 (wǒ chī bǎo le — “I’m full”) with a smile. Praising the food with 好吃 (hǎo chī — “delicious”) goes a long way.

Who pays the bill?

Often one person pays for everyone, and a friendly argument over who gets to pay is usually a polite ritual.
If you are the guest of a host family or a teacher, they will very likely pay. Thank them sincerely and offer to treat them another time.
Among students and younger friends, splitting the bill is common — often by app afterwards (AA制, “AA zhì”). It is fine to ask before the meal: 我们AA吧？ (wǒmen AA ba — “shall we split it?”). See the Alipay and WeChat Pay guide for how.
If you invited someone, expect to pay. If you offer and the other person insists, try once or twice, then thank them rather than turning it into a standoff.

Chopstick Etiquette

Nobody expects you to be an expert. If chopsticks are a struggle, ask whether a spoon (勺子, sháozi) or fork (叉子, chāzi) is available. A few habits carry real meaning:

Action	Why to avoid it
Standing chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice	It looks like incense sticks offered to the dead, so it is considered bad luck at the table.
Passing food directly from your chopsticks to someone else’s	It resembles a funeral custom. Use serving chopsticks, or put the food on their plate or bowl instead.
Pointing at someone with your chopsticks	It is seen as rude, much like pointing a finger.
Using your own chopsticks in shared dishes when serving chopsticks are provided	Serving chopsticks are there for hygiene and courtesy, so use them to take food to your own bowl.

Gifts and Giving

Host-family gifts: small and easy to share is ideal — fruit, snacks or sweets, tea, chocolates, or a small souvenir or postcard set from your home country or city. Snacks from home are also a good conversation starter at dinner. For packing ideas, see the packing list.
Expensive gifts: generally unnecessary, and they can make a host feel they should give something back.
Both hands: when giving or receiving something formally — gifts, tea, a business card, documents or a red envelope (红包, hóngbāo) — using both hands is a respectful touch, especially with someone older or senior.
Polite refusals: it is common for people to decline a gift once or twice before accepting, and to insist you take something they offer. It is modesty, not insincerity. You can say 不用了 (bú yòng le — “no need”), wait for the second offer, then accept gracefully. If you are the giver, be ready to insist gently.
Opening gifts: some families set a gift aside and open it later, so do not read that as lack of interest. If you receive a red envelope, many people accept it with both hands, say thank you, and do not open it in front of the giver.

💡 Good to know: some families still avoid giving clocks (the phrase 送钟, sòng zhōng, sounds like 送终, which relates to funerals), sharp objects such as knives, white flowers or white and black wrapping, and sets of four items (四, sì, sounds like 死, sǐ, “death”). Customs vary a lot, and many younger people do not mind, but choosing something else is an easy way to avoid any doubt.

Elders, Teachers and Hosts

Greetings: it is common to greet older people first when you meet them or enter a room — for example 爷爷好 (yéye hǎo), 奶奶好 (nǎinai hǎo), 叔叔好 (shūshu hǎo) or 阿姨好 (āyí hǎo).
Seating: many homes and restaurants have a seat of honour, often facing the door, and the oldest person sits first. If unsure, wait to be shown where to sit.
Names: older people are usually not addressed by first name. Use a title plus surname, or the family terms your host suggests.
Disagreeing: if you disagree with a parent or grandparent, staying calm or gently changing the subject often works better than an open debate.
Advice and care: comments like 多穿点 (duō chuān diǎn — “wear more”) or 多喝热水 (duō hē rè shuǐ — “drink more hot water”) are how many families say they care. They are rarely criticism.
Teachers: address them by surname plus 老师 (lǎoshī), for example 王老师 (Wáng lǎoshī). Open public disagreement with a teacher is less common than in many Western classrooms, so many students ask questions politely after class or in the group chat. Styles differ by teacher, and many are happy to hear from international students. For classes and attendance, see the Student Life guide.

WeChat Etiquette

WeChat (微信) is how you will talk to classmates, teachers, host families and landlords. For installing, verifying and setting it up, see the Essential Apps guide. These are the habits that help you come across well.

Adding people: scanning someone’s QR code is the usual way to connect, rather than asking for a phone number. After you add someone, send a short introduction with your name and context, such as “Hi, I’m Alex, an exchange student in Professor Wang’s class.”
Teacher and class group chats: important notices often appear here. A short 收到 (shōudào — “received”) or 好的 (hǎo de — “okay”) lets the teacher know you saw it. Keep formal messages concise and polite.
Keep groups on topic: avoid long personal conversations in class or official groups. If a group gets noisy, muting it is usually better than leaving, which can look abrupt and may mean you miss notices.
Voice messages: they are common among friends and family, so use them if the other person does. With a teacher or official, text is usually the safer choice.
Video calls: send a text first and ask before video-calling someone, unless you know them well.
Moments: teachers, hosts and classmates may see your Moments (朋友圈), so think before posting or adding them.
Privacy and security: do not share your passport photo, passwords or bank details in chats, and be cautious with links, QR codes and transfers from people you do not know. Ask before sharing other people’s photos.

Drinking and Declining Alcohol

Alcohol appears at some banquets, celebrations and student gatherings, and toasting is one way people build relationships. You are never required to drink, and students who decline politely are rarely judged.

At formal dinners and banquets, the host often proposes the first toast, so it is polite to wait for it before drinking.
When clinking glasses with someone older or senior, many people hold their glass slightly lower as a sign of respect.
干杯 (gānbēi) literally means “dry the glass”. If you prefer to sip, 随意 (suíyì — “as you like”) is a common way to drink at your own pace.
Baijiu (白酒) is very strong and often used for formal toasts; beer is far more common among students.

Chinese	Pinyin	Meaning
我不喝酒	wǒ bù hē jiǔ	I don’t drink alcohol.
我不太会喝酒	wǒ bú tài huì hē jiǔ	I’m not good at drinking.
我以茶代酒	wǒ yǐ chá dài jiǔ	I’ll use tea instead of alcohol.
我最近在吃药	wǒ zuìjìn zài chī yào	I’m taking medication at the moment.
我要开车 / 明天有课	wǒ yào kāichē / míngtiān yǒu kè	I’m driving / I have class tomorrow.

💡 Your choice and safety come first: raising a glass of tea, juice or soda is usually accepted. Give your reason once, with a smile, and there is no need to explain further. If someone keeps pressing, a friend or host can often step in. Stay with people you trust, keep an eye on your drink, and leave if a situation feels unsafe.

Common Misunderstandings

Some behaviour that feels rude to a newcomer is meant kindly. These are common patterns, not rules about every person.

What happens	What it may mean / how to respond
Someone asks your age, salary, weight or relationship status	Usually friendly curiosity, not an attempt to offend. Answer briefly or vaguely, or change the subject.
A host keeps offering food, says 多吃点 or puts food in your bowl	Hospitality rather than pressure. Accept a little, then say you are full with a smile.
A host says “you look tired” or “you’ve gained weight”	It may be a blunt observation or a way of showing concern. You can respond lightly or change the subject.
Someone says “maybe” or “we’ll see”	It can be a polite soft no, or simply undecided. Avoid pressing for a firm answer; suggest a specific time later, or follow up lightly.
Someone stares or asks for a photo with you	Often curiosity, especially outside big cities. It is fine to decline politely if you are not comfortable.

Do vs Avoid

✅ Do

Watch what the family does and follow your host’s lead.
Bring a small gift for a first visit.
Greet older people first and ask how to address them.
Accept a little food, praise it, and say when you are full.
Ask before using household things.
Decline alcohol politely — tea works.

❌ Avoid

Standing chopsticks upright in rice, pointing with them, or passing food chopstick to chopstick.
Wearing outdoor shoes inside if your hosts take theirs off.
Expensive gifts, or items such as clocks, white flowers and sets of four.
Staying out overnight without telling your hosts.
Photographing government buildings or military areas without checking whether it is allowed.
Joking about sensitive political or historical topics, or discussing them in group chats and public posts.

Essential Chinese Phrases for Etiquette

You do not need fluent Chinese, and a few well-timed phrases are warmly received. Screenshot this table for your first weeks; phrases for declining alcohol are in the drinking section.

Chinese	Pinyin	Meaning and when to use it
谢谢	xièxie	Thank you — works everywhere.
对不起	duìbuqǐ	Sorry — if you make a mistake.
好吃	hǎo chī	Delicious — praising the food.
我吃饱了	wǒ chī bǎo le	I’m full — after accepting a little food.
多吃点	duō chī diǎn	“Eat more” — what hosts often say.
不用了	bú yòng le	No need — a polite refusal.
我应该怎么称呼您？	wǒ yīnggāi zěnme chēnghu nín	How should I address you?
我可以用一下……吗？	wǒ kěyǐ yòng yíxià … ma	May I use …?
今晚我不在家吃饭	jīnwǎn wǒ bú zài jiā chīfàn	I won’t be eating at home tonight.
我对……过敏	wǒ duì … guòmǐn	I’m allergic to …
我们AA吧？	wǒmen AA ba	Shall we split the bill?
收到 / 好的	shōudào / hǎo de	Received / okay — acknowledging a group notice.

Quick FAQ

Is tipping expected in China?

Generally not. Tipping is not customary at canteens, ordinary restaurants or for everyday services in mainland China. Some higher-end restaurants and hotels may already include a service charge, so check the bill. A simple thank you is normally enough.

What should I wear when visiting a family?

Neat, everyday clothes are fine for most family meals. If you are invited to a wedding, a banquet or a festival dinner, ask your host what people usually wear.